Sometimes, when I’m in need of a chuckle, I wander about the part of the web that seems to devote itself to all things crazy, paranoid, and absurd. Sometimes you don’t find much more than Roswell repetition or claims about the Jersey Devil. But sometimes you find gold.
I present to you The Nibiruan Council, who describe themselves, in their own, non-ironic, totally-not-kidding way as:
“A multidimensional off-world council whose members are connected to the people of the planet Nibiru and the Nibiruans’ ancient ancestors, the 9D Nibiruans. The Nibiruans’ mission is to prepare humanity to take their rightful place in the greater galactic community. The Nibiruans are especially interested in assisting starseeds and walk-ins. Multidimensional ascension tools along with an accelerated program for DNA recoding will prepare them to be the teachers and wayshowers needed today.”
Now, you may have a few questions, but don’t worry, I have answers.
Q. What is the planet Nibiru?
A. Easy question. “Nibiru is the 4th dimensional flagship of the Milky Way Galaxy’s Galactic Federation. Like Pelegai, many different civilizations have representatives that live aboard it. As well as being a Federation Flagship, Nibiru is also a planet and a battle star. Nibiru is a little over three times the size of earth.”
Q. So, uh, what exactly are Starseeds and Walk-Ins?
A. I’m glad you asked. You see, “when a planet is set aside as an experiment for polarity integration, there exists a unique opportunity for all. This world is set aside as a place where individuals can work out their differences free of the memories that created the conflicts. A veil of amnesia provides the means. Many people from other world have come to Earth for this purpose. With them they carry the last hope of their people, the last chance to save their worlds from demise. These are the starseeds and walk-ins.” Simply put, Starseeds and Walk-ins are human-looking people who aren’t actually human. They’re aliens who’ve lost their memories so they can all live together on Earth to do important work.
Q. Wait, so then couldn’t anyone be one? Couldn’t I be one?
A. Yep, totally. Anybody could.
Q. How would I know?
A. Here are some (among many) possible ways to identify a Starseed:
- “They have an intense sense of loneliness.
- They feel like they don’t belong in their earth family.
- They have a fascination with the stars and feel as though their home is out there, but they can’t remember where.
- They begin to question the ways of earth at an early age. Many are the black sheep of their family.
- The majority of starseeds and walk-ins carry the Crystal Gene for DNA Recoding/Ascension. Once activated, the crystal gene allows for clearer guidance with beings on other dimensions. It acts as a guidance system of sorts, keeping the individual on course in their respective mission. It allows for quicker understanding of the emotional blocks that must be cleared in order to recompile DNA via DNA Recoding.“
Q. Wait, what’s DNA Recoding?
A. “Medical science has established that we have 2 strands of DNA and 10 strands of “junk” DNA, but they have not understood the purpose of that “junk” DNA. The Nibiruans have chosen to reveal to us its higher purpose; supporting a multidimensional consciousness, our natural state. Realigning, reconnecting and activating our 10 strands of junk DNA (aka the DNA Recoding or RRA Process) is the process by which we attain that state.”
Q. So… uh, what does that entail?
A. “The DNA Recoding process works at the etheric—some call it the light body—level. At this level your 10 strands of junk DNA along with your 2 connected strands are realigned above your crown. Because DNA is holographic, it can be simultaneously realigned, reconnected and activated. This means that your 10 junk DNA strands are simultaneously realigned at the top of your head (crown), reconnected into your 12 Crown Chakra crystals and reactivated so that life force energy flows through them again.”
Q. Wait, what?
A. Because so many people will be requesting DNA Recoding, it has been designed as a self-actuated process. You’ll receive off-world assistance from a Genetics Engineer. These are normally beings from Sirius A (see Joysia’s messages). You will also be given a DNA Recoding Guide to see you through the process. Earth-based free assistance is provided via the Nibiruan Council Forum as Yahoo Groups. It’s a very active group where recoders go to get help in moving through the process. Fee based assistance is provided by Jelaila Starr via the DNA Recoding Coaching session.
Q. Hold on, are you trying to sell me help… recoding my own DNA?
A. “The Recoding process requires a preparation and a jump start. Both are accomplished with a Colon Cleanse and Liver Cleanse. We encourage a series of 3 steps. They are:
1. The Nibiruan Council’s recommended colon cleanse
2. Liver Cleanse
3. The Nibiruan Council’s recommended colon cleanse
We provide both the colon and liver cleanses, along with directions, in the Liver/Colon Cleanse Package.“
Q. …colon? …Package?
A. Additionally, you can “save on all the DNA Recoding materials with the DNA Recoding Package. Individually priced $342.45. Package price $229 You save $110.45.”
A. I hope this summary of the DNA Recoding Process will help you decide if this process is right for you. To order support materials, please call us at [REDACTED] or use our secure online store.
Q. Oh…kay…then. Uh… One last question?
Q. …Am I being trolled?
A. Oh, you’d better hope so. Happy Monday, everyone.
Richard Ford Burley is a doctoral candidate in English at Boston College, where he’s writing about remix culture and the processes that generate texts in the Middle Ages and on the internet. In his spare time he writes about science, skepticism, and feminism (and the planet Nibiru) here at This Week In Tomorrow.