Monday Double: “What Time Were You Born?” and “Flavoured With Woo” | Vol. 3 / No. 49.1

Hey folks. It’s Monday, the day of the week I reserve for telling you lovely people something that just baffles me, things like David “Avocado” Wolfe’s thoughts on gravity, or water pills containing precisely zero molecules of duck liver sold as some kind of “medicine.

Well, today is your lucky day, because you get a two-for-one deal (not that you’re even paying for one, the site’s free, but you get the point):

What Time Were You Born?

First, we have the hilarious front-page Wall Street Journal story entitled “Who’s Demanding to See Hillary Clinton’s Birth Certificate? Baffled Astrologers.” It’s unfortunately behind a paywall, but the general gist is that in order to properly prognosticate, astrologers across America are just dying to know the precise moment that former Senator and Secretary of State Hillary Diane Rodham Clinton exited her mother’s womb. To the second. Here’s some highlights:

  • When Ms. Nimark got to the front, she asked Mrs. Clinton for her birth time. “Her aura was so large, and she was laughing so hard,” says Ms. Nimark, “and it just rolled off her tongue: ‘8 a.m.'”
  • The resulting evening chart, astrologers say, shows strong Gemini-Uranus influences, suggesting an erratic or unpredictable nature. Yet fast-forward the chart to 47 seconds after 8:00, and that could indicate a nurturing disposition.
  • The morning time astrologers often use for Mrs. Clinton — 8:02, which a now-deceased seer once claimed to have confirmed, legend has it — shows Mars in the sector that rules her career along with influences from Mercury, indicating a politically ambitious individual with a strong public presence and could also suggest she is scandal-prone. It would make her a double-Scorpio, indicating extra secretiveness.
  • Donald Trump was born at 10:54 a.m. in Jamaica Hospital in Queens on June 14, 1946. From that, it’s possible to divine that the GOP candidate “has a very strong Mars vibe going on.”

The writer, Yogita Patel, is almost certainly quietly chuckling her way through the report, which as part of the WSJ’s “A-Hed” column, is designed to be quirky things that essentially “go viral” and give the site a boost in the digital age. But the people she’s interviewing believe this stuff. They really, really do.

If you want to read the article in full, you can either pay for it over at the WSJ, or do what I did and use Factiva through my university’s subscription (in which case you’ll want to check out the front page for 30 September 2016). That’s item one.

Flavoured With Woo

And because you’re such lovely people, here’s a second dose of Monday crazy, in the form of two photographs I took at my local corner store this week:

img_20160929_174637

img_20160929_174621

Holy cow! Are those Himalayan pink salt-flavoured certified gluten-free non-GMO all natural no cholesterol potato chips? You’re darn right they are. And the ones on the bottom are even made with avocado oil. Right? Right.

Happy Monday, everyone.

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Richard Ford Burley is a human, writer, and doctoral candidate at Boston College, as well as an editor at Ledger, the first academic journal devoted to Bitcoin and other cryptocurrencies. In his spare time he writes about science, skepticism, feminism, and futurism here at This Week In Tomorrow.

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