There are Orlando Shooting Truthers, Because of Course There Are | Vol. 3 / No. 43.3

Just wrap it around your head, folks — gotta keep the mind control rays out | Photo: Dean Hochman, CC BY 2.0

This is a rant about the idiocy of mass shooting conspiracy nuts. I find it cathartic, but if you don’t, then maybe wait for tomorrow’s post. Otherwise, read on. | Photo: 

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In case you needed a reminder of just how paranoid and self-obsessed some people are, here it you have it: there are jackholes on the internet going about calling the Orlando shooting a hoax, calling victims “crisis actors,” and claiming it’s a hoax intended to push gun control measures through. You’ll pardon me, I hope, if I direct the rest of this post to them.

Dear Orlando shooting conspiracy theorists,

Let me set something straight, you pea-brained little narcissists: When 28 people died at Sandy Hook (including Adam Lanza), did we get any gun control? When 13 died and 32 were wounded in Fort Hood, did we get gun control? When 14 were killed and 21 were injured in San Bernardino did we get any gun control? Have we gotten any gun control after any of the shootings, time and time and time again? Did anyone EVER successfully come for your guns? No. There are more guns in America than ever before.

So let’s think about this for one tiny little moment. Let’s try to wedge the teensiest bit of sense past the rusted-shut logic gates in your brain.

Do you honestly think that people smart enough and resourceful enough to convince millions and millions of people that these mass shootings are taking place — people with the money and the power to buy off news conglomerates and independent journalists, to hire dozens of “crisis actors” to play their roles for years, to hire fake families of victims, for freaking years — do you think those people would try the same thing over and over and over again, wasting their time and money on a plan that NEVER EVER WORKS?

Don’t you think they’d just do the same thing the NRA are doing, and BUY THE DAMN POLITICIANS? It’s not like anyone’s ashamed of it. It’s not like it’s a big secret that money buys votes. But no, they’re smart enough and powerful enough and have enough money to perpetuate a conspiracy of massive proportions for an end result that never ever works, but too dumb to just pay politicians donate to politicians’ campaigns.

Pull yourselves together, you lunatics. You’re embarrassing yourselves, and offending everyone else.

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Richard Ford Burley is a human, writer, and doctoral candidate at Boston College, as well as an editor at Ledger, the first academic journal devoted to Bitcoin and other cryptocurrencies. In his spare time he writes about science, skepticism, feminism, and futurism here at This Week In Tomorrow.

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